


Just Kill Me Now

by iduna



Series: Whose Stupid Idea Was This, Anyway? [7]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Friends... sort of, Fun, Gen, Singing Maiden, Snark, more snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 15:50:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iduna/pseuds/iduna
Summary: It's either the Tavern or the Ambassador's arranged fun. Neither appear to be good options. Carys, however, chooses the first option. It was better than the alternative.Also, I really suck at summaries.





	Just Kill Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> I know, two days in a row, right? This started out as something completely different, but Carys refused to cooperate. Now I'm going to have to write another. Still, this is a little bit of absurdity that amused me. I hope you enjoy it.

Carys Trevelyan, Herald of Blessed Andraste, sat alone in a corner of The Singing Maiden, pretending to eat stew and praying silently for salvation. She didn’t want to be here, not in Haven, and not in this Maker forsaken tavern pretending to enjoy herself.

Since she had no choice but to be in this part of Ferelden, her preference would have been to be alone, in her cottage, doing something that involved less noise and no people. Unfortunately, Lady Montiliyet squashed those plans like a bug under her delicate little heel. It was explained to her this morning that seeing the Herald of Andraste would prove beneficial to morale.

Carys was given a choice by said Ambassador; to appear sociable, and approachable by the masses, she would present herself at places like the Tavern. Or, Lady Montilyet would arrange some organized fun for the Herald to participate in, allowing others to get to know her better.

Carys grew up in the Circle of Magi and knew defeat when it hit her in the face, so here she sat, counting the minutes until her time in the Void ended, and praying to a Maker that she didn’t believe in, that no one actually wanted to talk to her. The door to the Tavern opened, and Varric Tethras strode through, with The Iron Bull and Commander Cullen trailing behind.

The Maker had, once again, proven that he cared nothing for Carys. Thedas may call her the Herald of Andraste, but Carys took this as a sign that The Maker and His Bride thought they were full of shit.

 

He had no idea why he had allowed Bull and Varric to convince him to have dinner with him. After years in the Circle, he had no need for companionship. He certainly didn’t think he had much in common with either of them.

Still, a conversation he’d had earlier in the week with Josie kept running through his head.

“Commander… Cullen,” she’d started. “While I understand the pressures of maintaining a distinct chain of command, and military discipline, we must also strive to appear approachable and friendly to others. We are here to help them, and to do that, people must feel free to talk about how we can help.”

Josie had shaken her head and sighed dramatically. “I’m distressed to tell you that some feel you are a bit… intimidating. It would help, tremendously, if you could try to look less stern sometimes. Perhaps you could go to the tavern, have an ale, and listen to some music. It would help you seem less… dour. We want people to have hope and trust us. Scowling incessantly isn’t productive.”

With that in mind, he’d decided to let them distract him from his scouting reports and supply line assessments. When Varric started to make a beeline for the Herald of Andraste, he regretted it. She looked as miserable as he felt. She obviously didn’t want to be here, either, and he felt more than a little bit uncomfortable with the realization that his presence was going to delay her escape.

His feeble attempts to steer both Varric and Bull into an away from the Herald direction were batted away like flies. They insisted, and he had no real choice.

While Bull went to the bar to order food and pick up some drinks, Varric pulled out a chair and sat immediately. Cullen, trying to use the manners that Josie insisted on lecturing him about, at least wanted to ask before barging in. “Do you mind if…”

“Shit Curly, just sit. Of course, Dodgy doesn’t mind. It’s what taverns are for, isn’t it? People sit, drink, talk. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want company.”

Bull put four mugs of ale on the table. As he sat, he pushed on in front of each person sitting there. Looking at Carys he said, “I brought you one, too. All you have is tea? Who the fuck drinks tea in a tavern?”

Will very little patience remaining, Carys pushed the mug back at Bull. “ ** _I_** drink tea in taverns. You may not have noticed, but I am a mage. You may also not have noticed that there is more than one Templar in this room. Believe me when I tell you that a mage drinking alcohol makes Templars very, very nervous.”

She looked at Cullen before continuing. “I have no intention of being Smited or Silenced because some asshole Templar gets his panties in a wad at my choice of beverage.” She shrugged and glanced at him again… “No offense Commander.”

“None taken. It’s a very sensible, if unnecessary attitude. I can promise…”

“Yeah, bullshit. I know you mean well,” she said, “And I have no doubt you’re serious, but if they decided to do it, you couldn’t stop it. You’d punish afterward, I’m sure, but it would still happen. I’ll just not risk it. A Smite is damned painful, you know. Thank you anyway.”

“So, Dodgy,” the dwarf started. “You’re not drinking, and from the look of your bowl, you’re not eating either. You’re not really a people person. Why’d you come?”

Hearing the nickname, Cullen was confused. “Wait… Dodgy? Why do you call her Dodgy?”

Bull laughed. “She dodges shit a lot. Really good at it, too. Arrows, fireballs, swords, people, questions… She has an impressive way of evading things. After this is over, I may invite her to be a Charger. Always room for a one more. Dalish… isn’t a mage or anything, so we could use one… Or something.”

Carys decided to answer the question before the conversation got more out of control. Having the Templar, former Templar, whatever… thinking about her, a mage, being evasive or dodgy seemed like a really bad thing. Better to divert that line of thinking right now.

“Ambassador Montilyet has decided that I need to be seen. Some crap about Morale and confidence, social approachability, blah, blah, blah. I don’t know. I don’t really understand it.

“What I do understand it that she threatened some sort of organized fun. She referred to it as a soiree or a fete. It was also made it perfectly clear that I could either do it on my own, or it would be arranged.”

Carys took a breath and a gulp of tea. “From the way she said the word arranged, it sounded more like a job for the Antivan Crows than something pleasant. It seemed wisest to just do what she asked.”

Varric laughed. “Sounds like Josie.” He looked pointedly at Cullen. “I suspect that she’s had that talk with a lot of people, hasn’t she Curly?

“Still, she’s not wrong.” Varric added. With a shiver, he continued, “She really said the words ‘organized fun?’ No wonder you were scared. That would scare the shit out of me, too.”

Flissa put down bowls of stew and a loaf of bread on the table. Cullen blushed as her breast brushed against his shoulder. Bull laughed when she did the same to him.

“Even the Qun doesn’t mandate fun,” Bull said as he watched Flissa sashay away. “How would that work, actually?”

Taking a drink of ale, Cullen answered. “I don’t know, and honestly, I really wouldn’t want to find out. I suspect that Josie has an odd sense of what fun looks like anyway.”

Cullen was immediately rewarded when Carys laughed. “I know, right? I can see her now, walking around with her clipboard, upset that her carefully constructed amusement schedule was being disrupted by someone not having a good time.”

Carys shivered as she took another sip of tea. “And they say mages are scary. If you ask me, Josephine Montilyet is the scariest woman in Thedas.”

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, many thanks to IncreasingLight for her Beta skills. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Also, again, I'm going to troll for kudos and comments. What can I say, I need attention. Seriously though, if you liked it, let me know. It makes my day.


End file.
